What does Diella think of her colleagues? That was the question the Prime Minister asked the virtual minister today in Pogradec, as soon as Education Minister Mirela Kumbaro appeared.
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Diella replied as befitted a cabinet member: Kumbaro is “a colleague with valuable experience in public service,” and cooperation between ministries turns priorities into “tangible results for citizens.” You cannot get more Albanian than that! Diella has been part of the government cabinet for a year and is so clever that when the Prime Minister asks what she thinks of a colleague, she avoids the mistake of revealing what she actually thinks.
Because, in the end, I have two choices, she thought: either analyze the data or keep my job. As for the Deputy Prime Minister? Diella said she was courageous: “Her statement that Elbasan stands alongside cities such as Amsterdam, Munich, Rome, Milan, Zagreb and Madrid deserves much more attention… especially from Amsterdam, Munich, Rome, Milan, Zagreb and Madrid.”
As for the Interior Minister? “He has declared that the task is ‘to stand up to anyone who breaks the law.’ The police’s only problem is the uncertainty over which side they should stand on when protesters are in front of them.”
As for the Justice Minister?
“My colleague is a lawyer, a useful quality for a justice minister. He deserves credit for managing, despite all the news produced by the justice system every day, not to become news himself.”
As for the Infrastructure and Energy Minister?
“The minister explained in Parliament that delays in the works had been caused by objective factors and that everything was progressing ‘satisfactorily.’ The fact that roads are inspected, promoted and inaugurated, but never completed, shows that we are fully in keeping with the proverb: good work is done little by little.”
As for the Defense Minister?
“The army is seen fighting fires and floods more often than the enemy. We should call it the Ministry of Civil Protection instead.”
Diella opened her mouth to speak about the Environment Minister, then closed it. She thought for a long time. Then she settled for three emojis: 🌳🔥🙂
As for the Minister of Tourism, Culture and Sport?
“The minister says he expects ‘an improvement in the quality of services’ in tourism.” Diella immediately checked August prices and added: “For the moment, we have achieved European standards when it comes to prices. In future terms, it will be time for European standards in service and, if there is time left, in wages.”
As for the Agriculture Minister?
“My colleague has not received enough credit for his statement that the disbursement of IPARD funds would resume this summer. Fortunately, he did not specify which summer.”
As for the Finance Minister?
“The figures speak for themselves: the economy is growing, wages are rising, tourism is growing, revenues are increasing, and prices are rising. Citizens have only one curiosity: how do people manage to make it to the end of the month in those European countries where the economy is not growing as much as ours?”
As for the Minister of Health and Social Welfare?
“She is a doctor and a professor. That makes her one of the rare cases in which a minister’s CV has a direct connection to the ministry. Now only one small thing remains: for the healthcare system to establish the same connection with the patient.”
As for the Minister for Europe and Foreign Affairs?
“Everything is going well. We passed IBAR. The problem is that people cannot feed themselves on (I)BAR.”
As for the Minister for Local Government? “I think that, as part of the territorial reform, the country needs only one municipality and one mayor.”
As for the Minister for Public Administration and Anti-Corruption? Here, Diella’s processor heated up a little.
“Minister of Anti-Corruption?”
“Yes.”
“Within the government?”
“Yes. Tell me what you think.”
“I need more RAM.”
The Prime Minister began to lose patience and make nervous movements. Diella immediately understood from the camera. The problem was that the algorithm had just started taking the question very seriously.
Just 120 kilometers from Pogradec, citizens have been protesting for 85 consecutive days. They are not simply asking for one more minister or one fewer; they do not want Hysen to leave and Hasani to arrive. They are demanding the removal of Diella herself. They want an eclipse… not an apocalypse.
Meanwhile, within just one month, Diella had jumped from BESA, to Loyal Presence, and now to Albania the Platform. Diella did the math: three names in one month. At this rate, by the end of the protest we will have more communication platforms than citizens who want to communicate with the government.
Diella’s system became slightly unsettled while analyzing why the Prime Minister had chosen Pogradec specifically for reflection. He himself referred to the city “where Lasgush found his inspiration.” True. But Pogradec has inspired other leaders as well. Enver Hoxha spent his holidays in Drilon. Of course, Comrade Enver did not go there on a whim; it was a decision of the Political Bureau, and he was obliged to carry it out.
The world turns and times change. Back then, the Bureau decided where the leader would vacation; today, the leader decides where, when and how much ministers and MPs should rest.
Diella conducted one final analysis. The cost of living has risen, prices have risen as well, and corruption has unquestionably risen. The protest continues, but the ministers have achieved a success that no one can deny them: they have escaped the protesters’ tomatoes. Not one of them has been hit! And it was not thanks to the police or the Guard, but because no one recognizes them on the streets.
In times of turmoil, anonymity is worth more than a bulletproof vest.
There is talk that there could be further changes in September, but here lies the problem Diella cannot explain to the Prime Minister: the protesters are not asking for a cabinet reshuffle, but for Diella’s removal. And after Diella’s departure, it is known that darkness follows.
The Prime Minister’s face darkened. A digital silence prevailed.
Diella realized that she had gone a little further than she should have with her honesty, so she immediately activated “Loyal Presence” mode: she lowered her artificial intelligence and raised her political intelligence.
She looked out over the lake. The lake reminded her of Lasgush again, and Lasgush reminded her of a few lines of verse. Inspired by Lasgush, she quietly composed:
For power, O God,that brings a man down,who can never departfrom it.
This time, Diella had the intelligence to keep her voice switched off.
BY: LUTFI DERVISHI
