In an interview for the show “Me zemër të hapur,” the ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj, the uncle of Zegjine Çaushi, who is accused of abusing his former partner Merita Gremaj and assaulting her father, recounted that during the marriage, she experienced physical, psychological, and sexual violence.
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She said she lived with Bakaj for about 10 years and left him after a long period of violence. She says he has not allowed her to meet with her son for two years.
“I haven’t been allowed to speak with my son for two and a half years,” she says, adding that she had given him custody of the child because she was in a very bad state.
“Yes, I gave it to him because I was in a difficult situation, I was between death and I didn’t think I would live anymore. I gave up hope for myself,” she recounted.
She claims that Bakaj hit her severely, causing injuries to her head, nose, lip, and hand. According to her, he isolated her in the apartment and threatened her with death.
“I had severe blows to my head. He did it, he split my lip that I have today that needs plastic surgery, I can’t afford to operate on it. He broke my nose, it’s broken. My hand is crooked where he broke it. Many things,” she said.
Bakaj’s ex-wife also emphasizes that the child was under great psychological pressure and that, according to her, the father influenced him by turning him away from her. She said her son would tell her he didn’t love her and directed threatening words at her.
“Ugh, the boy… when I’ve tried these years ‘I don’t love you as a mom,’ such words that he would say to him from outside ‘I will come there to Greece, I will kill,’ such words that he would say to him. Then when I turned to him and said ‘kill me, I love you. I am your mom. If you don’t love me, I love you. But still you… you kill me. I don’t have a problem because you kill me.’ The boy, there, because he was recording me with the camera that time I spoke like this, he was focused and didn’t speak, he just stared,” she said.
She added that she had reported him.
“I reported him only once and then we reconciled at the door, he said I won’t do it again, we will continue, I won’t drink alcohol anymore, nothing. And then later he continued again. When he abused you, he would lock you inside and say, because I didn’t have a phone, I mean to say among my people, he wouldn’t let you have a phone. So you couldn’t notify the police. And he would tell me ‘you have your grave here.’ ‘Here is your grave. Either here inside your room,’ he said, ‘so that every year on your death anniversary I send bouquets of flowers here, or here in the middle of the yard, so I have you in front of my eyes,'” she said.
Anila Ahmataj: Hello, how are you?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Thank you, how are you?
Anila Ahmataj: Fine. Sorry for the disturbance, I’m Anila, as I introduced myself when I wrote to you.
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes.
Anila Ahmataj: Did you come to Albania today or not?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, yes.
Anila Ahmataj: Have you had contact in these hours since you returned with your son? Were you able to speak with your sister-in-law?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I didn’t have a contact number, I tried with one person to send a phone number because I have an aunt on that side. She said she will try to send it by evening.
Anila Ahmataj: Where does your son live? Do you have information on where the boy is, where he is located?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: His aunt, he has an aunt there in the village.
Anila Ahmataj: How did you find out about the event?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I found out from the TV, from the news. It came out. My current husband told me. He said to me “What is this Bledar?”. I saw the video and I was shocked.
Anila Ahmataj: Do you know your ex-husband’s partner?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Only that I have seen her like this in these videos, but I don’t know her personally.
Anila Ahmataj: So you didn’t know that he had started another relationship, because currently your son was living with him and you should have been informed about this thing, right?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: No, I didn’t know because I haven’t been allowed to speak with my son for two and a half years. He would call me, only send nonsense and I had no contact, not a word to get along.
Anila Ahmataj: You lived, as far as I know, 9 years with him, right?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Nine and a half, almost 10.
Anila Ahmataj: Almost 10 years. And you left on your own, right?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, yes.
Anila Ahmataj: How did you meet Bledar?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I met Bledar through a cousin of mine. He was her husband’s uncle.
Anila Ahmataj: Did he have another marriage before you?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, yes.
Anila Ahmataj: Did you know this?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I didn’t know, I found out very late. I don’t know, four or five others before.
Anila Ahmataj: What about his niece, Zegjinenë? Have you met her? Do you know her?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I have known her before, but since I separated, no, I haven’t met her anymore.
Anila Ahmataj: What was her relationship with you when you were together in a family? I mean, when you were married to Bledar?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: The relationship was very good with them, but later, when I left, I communicated only once when I asked her for the boy’s things, because I wanted to celebrate my son’s birthday on my side, and she helped me, she took a suitcase of clothes in Roskovec and sent the boy’s things from my side, but not in my name, in someone else’s name because the gentleman didn’t accept them. And then we cut off contact because she had problems and he found out, I don’t know.
Anila Ahmataj: So in a way, Zegjineja collaborated with you to help you.
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes. Yes.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. What was the reason you separated from Bledar? The accusations he made or the violence?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: All together, the accusations, the violence, the rape, yes all the things.
Anila Ahmataj: When you heard the testimony of this other girl about what happened with Bledar, that event, what did you think? How did you perceive the event? You believed it, I assume, right?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, dramatic. I really felt very sorry because I had gone through it myself and I said “Oh God, what is happening?”.
Anila Ahmataj: Elona, do you believe he held her hostage for 40 days?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, yes, because I suffered them myself.
Anila Ahmataj: How did his family members react when you were together and have you had any contact after this event with any of his family members besides your aunt, your sister-in-law?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: No, with none. Only with Zeqinena that time. Because she told me herself: “Don’t involve me anymore with him because we don’t deal with him anymore since you know yourself how he is.” And she removed me from Facebook and Messenger and I removed her then.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. Did you tell your family when the rape happened to you? Were they aware?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: No, I didn’t tell them out of fear because the same things he did with her, he did with me. I was very afraid.
Anila Ahmataj: Why did the father keep the son? Why didn’t you take him?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: From the violence that he did to me.
Anila Ahmataj: Did you sign over custody in court?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, well, I gave it because I was in a difficult situation, I was between death and I didn’t think I would live anymore. I gave up hope for myself.
Anila Ahmataj: Why, what happened?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I had severe blows to my head. He did it, he split my lip that I have today that needs plastic surgery, I can’t afford to operate on it. He broke my nose, it’s broken. My hand is crooked where he broke it. Many things.
Anila Ahmataj: How is it possible that you didn’t report him, Elona, during this time that this systematic and so brutal violence happened against you?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I reported him only once and then we reconciled at the door, he said I won’t do it again, we will continue, I won’t drink alcohol anymore, nothing. And then later he continued again. When he abused you, he would lock you inside and say, because I didn’t have a phone, I mean to say among my people, he wouldn’t let you have a phone. So you couldn’t notify the police. And he would tell me “you have your grave here.” “Here is your grave. Either here inside your room,” he said, “so that every year on your anniversary I send bouquets of flowers here, or here in the middle of the yard, so I have you in front of my eyes,” he said.
Anila Ahmataj: What are your relations with your son like, today?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Ugh, the boy… when I’ve tried these years “I don’t love you as a mom,” such words that he would say to him from outside “I will come there to Greece, I will kill,” such words that he would say to him. Then when I turned to him and said “kill me, I love you. I am your mom. If you don’t love me, I love you. But still you… you kill me. I don’t have a problem because you kill me.” The boy, there, because he was recording me with the camera that time I spoke like this, he was focused and didn’t speak, he just stared.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. So you are saying that he is also pressured, he is psychologically burdened?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, very much, very much!
Anila Ahmataj: Did he take the boy to school?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: He took him to school, but he didn’t learn. Not at all, the teacher told me.
Anila Ahmataj: You spoke to the teacher?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, and he said he had almost forgotten his name. But I couldn’t reach him because he had taken out a protection order. What did he take the protection order for? He made me out to be a criminal.
Anila Ahmataj: He took out a protection order against you?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes.
Anila Ahmataj: But for what reasoning?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I don’t know, so I wouldn’t go near the boy.
Anila Ahmataj: You have been gone for many years and you are not in Albania, so you don’t go, you don’t try to see him because you live outside Albanian borders, you live in Greece, right?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Oh sister, I had been with temporary papers for two and a half years. When I was without papers, I was in hospitals for 3 years. I only tried to talk on the phone and he would tell me “don’t call because you won’t see him with your eyes.” I didn’t know where to go. And when you did call, he would come on camera himself, he wouldn’t show the boy. “Why are you showing yourself on camera? Show me my son.” Then I came to Albania, I got my permanent papers and I told him show me my son because I have come and I will answer for any kind of reason. He said “I don’t need your reasons and don’t call anymore.” He would hang up the phone.
Anila Ahmataj: One question from woman to woman: Alright, in moments when you were together with him and you didn’t try to report him, but when you left his house, why didn’t you report all that violence and those marks you had on your face and your body?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: For the sake of my son. I did it only for his sake, not going.
Anila Ahmataj: But what does for the sake of the son mean, since the boy was living with an abusive father?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I felt like I would become guilty, later he would say “he was 9 years old, 9 years old the boy,” and he would tell me “you put your father in prison.” As a good mother, I thought many things. And so, for the sake of my son, I let it go. Better to leave and look your own way and…
Anila Ahmataj: Did you manage to be at peace and build a new family?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I was treated for a year, visited doctors like this, for a year and a half. Then I built a family.
Anila Ahmataj: Did you become a mother again?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: No, not a mother yet. But if I don’t sort out this child I have, I won’t become a mother. Absolutely.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. How did your family react after all this situation, from the beginning when you left the house? How did they react, did they support you? Where are they today, where are they, are they a support for you?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, well, they supported me, they sent me immediately to Greece for treatments. Everything. Then I met this guy I have today!
Anila Ahmataj: Did that Bledar ever harass them, bother your family members?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: No, no.
Anila Ahmataj: Did he take the child to the grandparents, to your people?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: No! No, never. He tried several times to come, he would call me on the phone from Greece, and I was very scared because my dad was elderly, he would come there and I said “if he hits you too my brothers would have worse conflicts. I said better leave the situation, because when I come myself I will fix things, we will go to the boy.” When I came, it was the same tune again. I can’t do anything. And justice is very bad. There is no justice here in Albania.
Anila Ahmataj: Why does he express himself like that, dad? You didn’t go to report him meaning after your departure, because if you had reported him, surely the institutions would have taken a measure.
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: I didn’t report him because from one report I made earlier, I saw it does nothing. He would tell me himself: “The police are together with him, because they were from their area, they fix things, they forgive, they forgive, come on, leave because there was nothing I could do.”
Anila Ahmataj: Did Bledar himself drink coffee with the police officers you reported to?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, well, and I had nothing I could do…
Anila Ahmataj: Were you present there when they had a coffee together?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, 6 years ago, 7 years ago like this.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. And something else: have you managed to communicate with the girl he held hostage for 40 days and raped?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: No. No.
Anila Ahmataj: Did you know her before, as a face, as an image?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: No, no, absolutely, I didn’t know her at all.
Anila Ahmataj: What about her family members?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Not at all, absolutely! I have only simply seen her in the news that shows like this in videos we watch on the phone. I feel really sorry because I am a woman myself, but as for knowing her, no. I don’t even know where to find her phone number to speak to her.
Anila Ahmataj: Would you like to speak, to communicate with her?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Why not, absolutely.
Anila Ahmataj: To ask her maybe how the situation was, because your son was present too, right?
Ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj: Yes, well. Exactly for this I said…
