What does Diella think of her colleagues? That was the question the Prime Minister asked the virtual minister today in Pogradec, as soon as Education Minister Mirela Kumbaro appeared.

Diella replied as befitted a cabinet member: Kumbaro is “a colleague with valuable experience in public service,” and cooperation between ministries turns priorities into “tangible results for citizens.” You cannot get more Albanian than that! Diella has been part of the government cabinet for a year and is so clever that when the Prime Minister asks what she thinks of a colleague, she avoids the mistake of revealing what she actually thinks.

Because, in the end, I have two choices, she thought: either analyze the data or keep my job. As for the Deputy Prime Minister? Diella said she was courageous: “Her statement that Elbasan stands alongside cities such as Amsterdam, Munich, Rome, Milan, Zagreb and Madrid deserves much more attention… especially from Amsterdam, Munich, Rome, Milan, Zagreb and Madrid.”

As for the Interior Minister? “He has declared that the task is ‘to stand up to anyone who breaks the law.’ The police’s only problem is the uncertainty over which side they should stand on when protesters are in front of them.”

As for the Justice Minister?

“My colleague is a lawyer, a useful quality for a justice minister. He deserves credit for managing, despite all the news produced by the justice system every day, not to become news himself.”

As for the Infrastructure and Energy Minister?

“The minister explained in Parliament that delays in the works had been caused by objective factors and that everything was progressing ‘satisfactorily.’ The fact that roads are inspected, promoted and inaugurated, but never completed, shows that we are fully in keeping with the proverb: good work is done little by little.”

As for the Defense Minister?

“The army is seen fighting fires and floods more often than the enemy. We should call it the Ministry of Civil Protection instead.”

Diella opened her mouth to speak about the Environment Minister, then closed it. She thought for a long time. Then she settled for three emojis: 🌳🔥🙂

As for the Minister of Tourism, Culture and Sport?

“The minister says he expects ‘an improvement in the quality of services’ in tourism.” Diella immediately checked August prices and added: “For the moment, we have achieved European standards when it comes to prices. In future terms, it will be time for European standards in service and, if there is time left, in wages.”

As for the Agriculture Minister?

“My colleague has not received enough credit for his statement that the disbursement of IPARD funds would resume this summer. Fortunately, he did not specify which summer.”

As for the Finance Minister?

“The figures speak for themselves: the economy is growing, wages are rising, tourism is growing, revenues are increasing, and prices are rising. Citizens have only one curiosity: how do people manage to make it to the end of the month in those European countries where the economy is not growing as much as ours?”

As for the Minister of Health and Social Welfare?

“She is a doctor and a professor. That makes her one of the rare cases in which a minister’s CV has a direct connection to the ministry. Now only one small thing remains: for the healthcare system to establish the same connection with the patient.”

As for the Minister for Europe and Foreign Affairs?

“Everything is going well. We passed IBAR. The problem is that people cannot feed themselves on (I)BAR.”

As for the Minister for Local Government? “I think that, as part of the territorial reform, the country needs only one municipality and one mayor.”

As for the Minister for Public Administration and Anti-Corruption? Here, Diella’s processor heated up a little.

“Minister of Anti-Corruption?”

“Yes.”

“Within the government?”

“Yes. Tell me what you think.”

“I need more RAM.”

The Prime Minister began to lose patience and make nervous movements. Diella immediately understood from the camera. The problem was that the algorithm had just started taking the question very seriously.

Just 120 kilometers from Pogradec, citizens have been protesting for 85 consecutive days. They are not simply asking for one more minister or one fewer; they do not want Hysen to leave and Hasani to arrive. They are demanding the removal of Diella herself. They want an eclipse… not an apocalypse.

Meanwhile, within just one month, Diella had jumped from BESA, to Loyal Presence, and now to Albania the Platform. Diella did the math: three names in one month. At this rate, by the end of the protest we will have more communication platforms than citizens who want to communicate with the government.

Diella’s system became slightly unsettled while analyzing why the Prime Minister had chosen Pogradec specifically for reflection. He himself referred to the city “where Lasgush found his inspiration.” True. But Pogradec has inspired other leaders as well. Enver Hoxha spent his holidays in Drilon. Of course, Comrade Enver did not go there on a whim; it was a decision of the Political Bureau, and he was obliged to carry it out.

The world turns and times change. Back then, the Bureau decided where the leader would vacation; today, the leader decides where, when and how much ministers and MPs should rest.

Diella conducted one final analysis. The cost of living has risen, prices have risen as well, and corruption has unquestionably risen. The protest continues, but the ministers have achieved a success that no one can deny them: they have escaped the protesters’ tomatoes. Not one of them has been hit! And it was not thanks to the police or the Guard, but because no one recognizes them on the streets.

In times of turmoil, anonymity is worth more than a bulletproof vest.

There is talk that there could be further changes in September, but here lies the problem Diella cannot explain to the Prime Minister: the protesters are not asking for a cabinet reshuffle, but for Diella’s removal. And after Diella’s departure, it is known that darkness follows.

The Prime Minister’s face darkened. A digital silence prevailed.

Diella realized that she had gone a little further than she should have with her honesty, so she immediately activated “Loyal Presence” mode: she lowered her artificial intelligence and raised her political intelligence.

She looked out over the lake. The lake reminded her of Lasgush again, and Lasgush reminded her of a few lines of verse. Inspired by Lasgush, she quietly composed:

For power, O God,that brings a man down,who can never departfrom it.

This time, Diella had the intelligence to keep her voice switched off.

BY: LUTFI DERVISHI

The post Lutfi Dervishi’s irony: Diella reports to her boss on her colleagues, the protest continues, but ministers have achieved a success—they have escaped the… appeared first on Albeu.com.

In a post on his Facebook account, well-known analyst and journalist Lutfi Dervishi mocked several statements made by representatives of the ruling majority and Prime Minister Edi Rama by sharing them on social media.

Dervishi called them “unforgettable quotes,” ranking them from 1 to 10. Most were statements made by Prime Minister Edi Rama, including “Responsibility is individual,” “The individual is not to blame, but the system,” and “AKSHI, a success story,” among others.

Dervishi also recalled a statement Prime Minister Rama made during his first term: “By the end of 2022, the issue of 24-hour drinking water will no longer be discussed.”

Lutfi Dervishi’s two posts:

Unforgettable quotes (2)

10.

“The euro has fallen because the lek has strengthened.”

9.

“Responsibility is individual.”

8.

“There are jobs, but there are no professionals.”

7.

“The individual is not to blame, but the system.”

6.

“Zvërnec will be a gift to Europe.”

5.

“We will bring the European Union into Albania.”

4.

“With Diella, we will help Germany fight corruption.”

3.

“The 4.2 million euros for Kanye West was an investment.”

2.

“Women don’t steal…”

1.

“The people of Vlora will say: We live across from Trump.”

Unforgettable quotes!

10.

“Citizens will not pay a single cent; the budget will pay for it.”

9.

“An individual who receives 140 euros a month is not considered poor.”

8.

“AKSHI, a success story!”

7.

“The bulldozers in Zvërnec were opening a road for the community to pass through.”

6.

“By the end of 2022, the issue of 24-hour drinking water will no longer be discussed in Albania.”

5.

“If you do not get a job done in eight years, leave and make way for someone else.”

4.

“If corruption had increased, the economy would not have grown.”

3.

“You haven’t seen anything yet!”

2.

“We will build a state.”

1.

“With the satellites, illegal construction will come to an end.”

The post Analyst Lutfi Dervishi mocks “unforgettable quotes” by Rama and Socialist Party representatives: By the end of 2022, 24-hour drinking water will no longer be… appeared first on Albeu.com.

Former MP Monika Kryemadhi appeared today before the Special Prosecution Office (SPAK) as part of the “mandatory reporting” security measure. After completing her appearance, she spoke to the media and commented on statements by Democratic Party leader Sali Berisha, who had raised suspicions that current or former government officials might use pregnancy to avoid arrest measures.

Kryemadhi responded with irony and humor, saying that such a possibility did not exist in her case. She said that, if the situation continues in this way, it seems as though a “mini-maternity ward” is being created, as pregnancy could be used as a way to evade justice.

“I won’t get pregnant!” Kryemadhi said, adding that Berisha’s words might be rumors, but could also be based on the truth.

“I guarantee you that I won’t get pregnant. I’m saying that. Of course, in order to find different procedural ways and avenues, they may be rumors, but they may also be true. Whenever a baby is born, it is a good thing. Perhaps, knowing that they are depopulating Albania, they are setting up a mini-maternity ward,” she declared.

The post I won’t get pregnant”/ Kryemadhi mocks Berisha’s statements about the “mini-maternity ward”: There may be some truth to them appeared first on Albeu.com.

In a social media post, well-known analyst Lutfi Dervishi responded ironically to the changes proposed by the Socialist Party as part of the Territorial Reform, which envisages merging several municipalities and transferring their administration to larger neighboring municipalities.

Dervishi questioned the inclusion of Rinas Airport within the territory of Tirana Municipality, comparing it with practices followed in other European countries.

“Brussels Airport is in the municipality of Zaventem. Belgrade Airport is in the municipality of Surčin. Rome Airport is in the municipality of Fiumicino. This is no coincidence, because wherever an airport is located, the local community also benefits from having it within its territory,” the analyst said.

He raised concerns that Krujë Municipality, which currently administers the Rinas unit, could lose the economic benefits and be left only with the noise, pollution and risk.

“At the very least, the community should retain the airport located within its territory. Or is the logic different: residents get the noise, pollution and risk, while the revenue generated by the airport flies elsewhere? Ultimately, the essence of territorial reform is that the community should benefit from the wealth and assets located within its territory, rather than merely bear their costs,” Dervishi wrote.

The post Does Rinas Belong to Tirana Too? Lutfi Dervishi Mocks the Socialist Party’s Territorial Reform: Krujë Residents Get the Noise and Pollution, the Capital Gets the Money appeared first on Albeu.com.

Activist Arben Kola was released a short while ago from Police Station No. 1 after being detained during the protest held outside Parliament.

Speaking about the reason for his arrest, Kola joked that the police had become jealous because he was mentioning Prime Minister Edi Rama through his megaphone rather than the officers.

He told News24 that he had done nothing other than chant the usual slogans: “Edi Rama, you traitor; you use tear gas, we use eggs.”

According to Kola, two protesters have been released, while two others are also expected to be freed.

The post “Edi Rama, You Traitor; You Use Tear Gas, We Use Eggs”/ Arben Kola Jokes After Release: The Police Got Jealous appeared first on Albeu.com.

In the 55th protest against Prime Minister Edi Rama and the majority, citizens used placards to mock the document presented by the head of government to the Socialist Party parliamentary group.

During his speech, Rama announced that he had named the document “Besa” (word of honor), describing it as a reflection on governance, with the aim that government decisions would no longer be perceived by citizens as “breaking one’s word.”

However, this name became one of the main themes of the protesters’ placards, who employed it with ironic tones to express their dissatisfaction with the government.

One placard read: “Belinda has another worry with SPAK. We need to give our ‘Besa’ once again.”

Another placard asked: “Give Rama your Besa so Belinda gets rich and Zegjineja builds villas?”—while a third read: “O Ramzi, how many more times will you break your word to us?”

The protesters’ messages aimed to challenge the narrative presented by the prime minister, turning the term “Besa” into a symbol of criticism against the manner of governance.

The post Rama’s “Besa” becomes a meme, protesters mock with placards: Belinda has another worry with SPAK… appeared first on Albeu.com.

“When plastic bottles and waste invade and clog the irrigation canal that passes through Lushnje, for residents there can only be the smell of carrion, mosquitoes, and a source of infection.”

Saimir Korreshi’s reaction:

“When plastic bottles and waste invade and clog the irrigation canal that passes through Lushnje, for residents there can only be the smell of carrion, mosquitoes, and a source of infection. I call on the Government and the Municipality: return citizens’ taxes in services! Always, that is, if we are not ruining your beach on a Sunday.”

The post Saimir Korreshi Mocks the Municipality of Lushnje: Forgive Us for Ruining Your Beach, but Citizens Are Drowning in Mosquitoes and the Stench of Carrion appeared first on Albeu.com.